Enough

"...All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with your love. And all I have in You is more than enough..." Chris Tomlin

Standing in church with eyes lifted high, voice lifted high, soul lifted high.

Isaac on Daddy's shoulders, Julia with her new step-daughter, me, my new sweet foster daughter, Anna and a friend, her friends dad, all in a row...ripples...of my heart...

Overflowing...Completely...Welling up...Tears Overflowing...

Understanding, completely grasping, and living these words...

Mutual Care

Over the last 8 years or so I have developed opinions. Opinions about adoption. About girls, young girls, who have babies at a very young age. I have swung from one side of the pendulum to the other and am currently in the middle. I do not believe that all teen girls under the age of 18 should give their children up for adoption. Don't get me wrong, when that does happen, miracles are in the making. I also do not believe that every girl under the age of 18 should be given every opportunity possible to keep her child especially when she doesn't have any interest, desire, or drive to do so!

I have a heart for kids that need loving, permanant families. That fact has shown up in numerous ways in my life in the last 9 years. I've adopted one. I've fostered 25. I've been the babysitter for children of some of the 25. I've opened my home to some of the 25 seven years later. But I do not have it all figured out. My heart wants to adopt them all. Them and their kid and their next kid and their next. I also want them to grow up and figure it out and be able to keep that kid. I don't want to take kids away from people who want desperately to keep them.

However, I have been pondering adoption. I want to adopt a baby girl. From the system. Josh doesn't. He loves having foster kids and helping them in such an amazing tangible way but in no way does he want to have a baby at this point in our life that is his (and my) responsibility. So I have been mourning the idea of a baby girl. Maybe it goes back to almost 5 years ago when I mourned the loss of baby Sophie for many months. (We'll save that for another post!)

It's 11:30 one night and God throws this idea my way. It's called Mutual Care. We've done it before. Not terribly successfully mind you. It is hard and it is a big commitment and there are a lot of factors that make it that way. But I see it now. It's the answer I have been searching for. To help mother's keep their babies is such a huge gift. An amazing, hard, practical gift. The easier answer might be to adopt them. The harder answer is to help their mamas keep them. Please know that I am not inferring in any way that adoption is easy, ever. If you feel called to adopt by all means help the 150 millon children already orphaned have a loving family. But here is another piece to the orphan crisis. There are many.

Mutual Care is when a teen girl who is pregnant or has a new baby is placed with you so that you can help her in every way - to keep her child. She is at risk for neglecting, abusing and losing her child. It involves caring for a vulnerable young girl and caring for a tiny vulnerable baby. But most of all it involves teaching which involves compassion and caring and structure and a lot of prayer. Teaching a young immature, vulnerable, scared girl to bond, attach, schedule, diaper, and care for her helpless precious flesh and blood 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Part of the challenge is doing what is right by the mama and the baby and it doesn't always turn out how you or I think it should. That is what is so hard about doing foster care I think.

It's hard. And it's rewarding. I think it's what God might have in store for us instead of adoption. It's good. There is such a need. My answer to adoption? ~ Mutual Care

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8

Questions about adoption? Fostercare? Mutual care? Leave a comment!

My Girls



Brittney's Baptism at Camp Elim ~
 Proud Day for this Foster Mama



I cherish the phone calls from my girls. They call when they need a mommy to be proud of them. I'm getting my driver's license! I'm going to college! I got a job! I love love love that I am the one they want to call. And I hate hate hate that I am the only one they have to call. It's hard enough to spend years and sometimes a lifetime in and out of fostercare and in and out of stranger's homes. So many expectations and so many changes and so much inconsistancy. And then to be expected to get out there and be successful on your own without a family and a mommy to lean on. I am 37 and talk to my Mommy almost every day. Some of these girls have no real friends and no real family and they are just out there. As a foster mom there is no requirement that you have to maintain contact with anyone after they leave your home. And a lot of times that is the case. I try and be there for the girls and I LOVE to stay in contact with all of them. One of our girls is in college in California. One of our girls has her CNA and is working and going to school to be a dental hygenist. One of our girls is getting her driver's license and enrolling in college. One has kept a great career job for over a year. There are success stories. There are more stories that aren't successes. Our motto as foster parents is: love them unconditionaly and give them everything I can while I have them and hope and pray that something I did or didn't do or said or didn't say has a positive lasting effect on them. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to love these girls and let them go. Thank you for the contact I get to have with some of them. And thank you Lord for each of them.

(I took this last night ~ after this post was published) Anna and Julia call each other sisters. Julia came by and Anna was here. Fun for them to catch up.



We Are ALL Called To Care



Issac (9 months) and Kenny (8 months)
They don't really know that they are not twins!

  I have friends and I have acquaintances and I read blogs of mom's who are passionate about adoption. Passionate. I love that. James 1:27 says, "Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corupt us." James does not say, "if you feel like it", and it does not say, "if it's convenient" and it does not say, "when you have time". It says, "care for orphans and widows in their troubles". It does not say, "adopt them all - as many as you can", and it does not say, "go to the ends of the earth and adopt a child from a foreign land that has special needs". I do get that there is a huge need. Huge. There are some 143 million orphans in this world. They do indeed need to be cared for. And we are ALL called to do that. To care. Cause James 1:27 says we are called to care. There are many ways each of us can care. I want to talk about one of them here and then leave you with some other ideas.

Foreign adoptions cost from $20,000 on up. Foreign adoptions take so much time and energy and stress. I think that foreign adoptions are necessary and an amazing way to care for our orphans. I read a blog written by a gal who has recently moved from Woodland Park and is now living on the east coast. She is so passionate about foreign adoption and has a huge following and a huge impact to the world on her blog which you can read here: http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2010/11/reckless-abandon.html She has led families to orphanages around the world to bring home sometimes more than one child with special needs. Some of whom have been lying in a crib for 5 years. As far as we know there are not places such as this in the United States. But the need is great. The call is there. The leap is huge. The reward is unfathomable.

Did you know that there are currently 115,000 children in the foster care system in the United States waiting to be adopted. Did you know that these adoptions cost nothing? Did you know that many times the state will pay the adoptive parents a monthly stipend every month until that child turns 18? Did you know that these children can remain on Medicaid until they are 18 years old? There is no expense. Not one. Besides a monthly stipend there are funds available for respite and there are funds available for therapy and other needs outside of what is covered by your monthly stipend and Medicaid. Most people do not realize this. Do you know how many times I have heard people say, "We would love to adopt but the money is just not there" or "We would love to adopt but..." But what? The need for foreign adoptions is great and if you feel called or feel like you can raise the support to do that, then by all means DO IT! But if you feel the tug to adopt or you feel the tug to inquire about adoptions...consider that there are children in your state, in your town, in your neighborhood, and maybe at the foster home next door that are waiting for a forever family. Someone to care. Someone to love. Someone to give them a chance and show them what unconditional love is. Someone...

It's not easy. No one said that doing what we are called to do would be easy. So that said...Today - what are you going to do to care for orphans and widows? Here are some ideas:

• inquire about foster care
• inquire about adoption
• financially support a missionary overseas who directs an orphanage - need one to support? go here: http://www.breannashouseofjoy.com/BHJ/home.html
• read my friend's blog - it will motivate you  - to do something: http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/
• read this post from another friend's blog about ideas on what you can do: http://www.lauraleighparker.com/2010/11/practical-ways-help-orphans/
• help a foster mom - bring her dinner or babysit for a few hours while she runs to the grocery store
• take a widow a meal just for the heck of it
• go visit a widow for 30 minutes and pray with her

need more ideas?
need more information?
leave a comment or e-mail me
I have lots of ideas...
but whatever you do...do something...

Perspective

A Big Quiet House

A Yiddish Folktale from Eastern Europe

There was once a man who wished his small, noisy house was larger and quieter. He went to the wise old woman of the town and explained his need. She said, "I can solve your problem. Just do as I say."

The man agreed.

"If you have a chicken, some sheep, a horse, and a cow," she said, "bring them into the house with you."

"That's a silly thing to do," thought the old man. But he did it anyway. Now his house was already small, and with all those animals in it, there was no room at all. He returned to the old woman and cried, "I need more room! The animals are so noisy I can't think!"

"Take all those animals out of your dwelling," she replied.

When he had put all the animals comfortably back in the barn, the man went into his house. To his amazement, it suddenly looked remarkably bigger! Without the animals inside, his house was now quiet too!

----------------------------------------------------------

My life of late is so much like this story. (Except at times when they acted like it, I did not have animals in my house but children!) I have amazing perspective. On any given day this past summer the moment I put my feet on the floor I was MOMMY! I went. I did. I made it happen. There wasn't a whole lot of processing, reading, talking or even thinking going on in my life. I had 5 kids age 6 and under and a teen foster daughter that were my responsibility. What that means is not to simply care for them but to CARE for them. Because God gave me these children for an unknown amount of time. And in reality, that is true about my biological children too. I am their Mommy for today and until God has other plans for them. For these children I was the one who not only made sure they had on clean clothes and clean diapers and ate healthy meals and got to their numerous appointments on time but I was it. There was no one else to care if they got sick or a diaper rash or got hugged or told that they were worth something. It was up to me. Being a mommy to six children is tough but being mommy to 2 biological, 1 adopted, and 3 foster children is truely a whole different ball game. Two days a week during the summer months I worked a 7 hour day. Three days a week I took care of Anna's two angels who were ages 6 and 2. Several evenings and some weekend days I watched sweet little Jimmie - one of our previous foster girl's baby who was at the time 9 months old.

So I put my feet on the floor and I went. I did. I made it happen.

Then God said...

REST.

What?

REST.

But God, This is what YOU have called me to do. So clearly. So frequently I hear YOU say to me, "THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO. THIS." What are you talking about...Rest? What am I supposed to do now?

In August Julia turned 18 and was determined to be on her own after 17 years in and out of the foster care system. I was afraid for her but did not blame her. And God had told us that we would not adopt our babies. So what now? God brought them a wonderful family who wants to adopt them. So now I hear that You have a plan but how is it that after 9 years of doing what you want me to do, now I am supposed to rest? What does that look like? And when do I stop resting? And what about the kids that need me?

TRUST ME.

Really?

TRUST ME.

Okay.

So now I grow. I grow in Him every day like never before. Every day I see Him in everything. I see Him in the middle of my marriage. I see the miracles in that. I see Him in the middle of my Mommying. I see the miracles in that. I see Him pulling, pulling me out of the cave...and growing me like I never thought possible. I see.

This is what I see...

Miracles created in my family every day. And the perspective needed to truely rest and grow.

I trust therefore I rest. I rest therefore I grow. I grow therefore I trust.

Flashback Friday



Arron and I November 2002

Arron and her sister were our first foster girls after moving to Colorado. (We had a teenage foster son for almost a year in Kansas). They lived with us for about 6 months and then went home. A year later Arron moved in with us again for about 6 months until she aged out of the system. She was pregnant. She homeschooled one semester at our house and did 3 semesters of high school in that time and graduated. She was very motivated. She was also our Nanny. We called her Nanny Arron. Ellie was a baby and I was working from home full time. What a blessed, peaceful time that was for me. Work doing what I love, be at home with Ellie, foster mom to two amazing girls that were helpful. Good stuff. Brittney also lived with us. She lived with us for 2 1/2 years before going back to live with her mom for a bit before she graduated from high school. We have truely been blessed with great kids in the last 9 years. It is rewarding to get in touch with them again or have on-going relationships with them as they grow into adults. I see Arron every once in awhile. She has two kiddos that are adorable and go to school up here. I pray that all my kids allow God to work in them. And as always we pray that maybe something we did or said or didn't say has a positive lasting impact for each of our kids.

Flashback Friday

Lilly and Ellie 7 years ago this week

Lilly Belle and Ellie Belle, as I call them now, were fast friends a month after Ellie was born. They are still dear friends. Lilly is 6 weeks older than Ellie. Lilly's mommy lived with us a bit when Lilly was born. Anna was 16 and in fostercare. She had overcome more adversity and trials than a girl should have to face in a lifetime. Anna is 23 now and still in our life and has now overcome more adversity and more trials and is working on getting on her feet as a single mommy of two. We love that we get to be a part of their life. We are Mom and Dad. It is a new challenge to be parenting grown children, to befriend them and to guide them and love them well. We are very proud of Anna. She is a great Mommy. I love that Lilly Belle and Ellie Belle are still great friends 7 years later.

The Cost of Being a Foster Parent

How do you do it?

I don't think I could do that, it would break my heart.

I'm not strong enough to deal with the heartbreak.

How do you give them back?

Isn't it hard?

Doesn't it just tear you apart?

You are stronger than I am.

Really?

I've heard it hundreds of times in 9 years, sometimes daily. And here is what I've learned in almost a decade of doing foster care for over 25 kids...It is hard. Of course it's hard. When God calls us to do something, to serve, to serve Him, he doesn't say - oh and I have something for you and it should be pretty easy so go for it. No, He says, "...to look after orphans and widows in their distress" James 1:27. It doesn't say, when it's convenient and easy...look after orphans. In 2 Samuel 24:24 King David says, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing." Sacrifices in the Old Testament were a form of worship and an action of obedience. "I will not sacrifice that which costs me nothing." My dear friend Laura Parker who chose to listen and obey and sacrifice for orphans said, "true worship and obedience comes with a cost." I think that is true. There has not been a doubt in my mind in the last 9 years that THIS is what God has called our family to do. To sacrifice for orhpans.

So to answer your questions: YES it is hard. YES it breaks your heart. YES it tears you apart. God never said obedience was not going to come at a cost. If God asks of you, He WILL provide you with the strength and the tools to obey. He will. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes you cry and sometimes you want to give up and sometimes your chest aches with pain but He WILL carry you through. Laura also said, "I'm trying to embrace the sacrifice, instead of bartering my way out of it." Me too.

Have you ever felt the tug on your heart to become a foster parent but thought it would be too hard? Too much sacrifice? Too inconvenient? Go back to that place in your heart and listen. Listen to what God is asking of you. It's not for everyone. I really get that. I get that God has given us gifts to be used for his glory. Hopefully we can know what it is that He wants from us and how to use those gifts for Him. But maybe, just maybe, He is asking you and your family to sacrifice for orphans. Just ask and listen. Embrace the sacrifice for whatever it is he has called you to do to serve Him while on this earth...don't barter your way out of it.

(If you want more information about foster parenting leave me a comment and I'll hook you up with a great Child Placement Agency)

Rest

Our family has been craving good quality family time. The day after Gabriel and Arianna left was a Saturday. Josh worked 7 hours that day. He worked 90 hours the next week. He has continued to work many long not-so-fun hours and Saturdays. We are still craving good quality family time. We had our moments when G and A lived with us but we were desperate for opportunities to focus in. On us. God called Josh and I to sacrifice for orphans and children who do not have families that can take care of them. He called us to make sacrifices as a family for others who do not have what we do. We get that. We are obeying. Our kids get that, believe it or not. We are currently on sabbatical so that we can focus in on our marriage and our children so that we can heal and rebuild in order to serve Him better. God has put an ache in my heart for children who have crappy lives and crappy parents. The problem with my life of late was that there was an ache in my heart for my kids who had crappy lives and crappy parents. So...we are on sabbatical. What does that mean? It means I am truely relaxed. Josh and I have perspective. I can enjoy reading and leading a Bible study. I can focus on what is important instead of living in survival mode. It means we can spontaneously jump in the car and take the kids to the dollar movie theater on a Sunday night and watch Toy Story 3. Thank you Lord for ordering your people to rest.