Monday, December 22, 2014

The Ultimate Polar Emotional Experience

     Last Friday we told our 7 and 6 year olds that they are for sure going to be adopted. That we will be their family forever. That we get to be their real mom and real dad. They know what that means. They immediately knew what that meant. 
     I've been thinking since then about polar emotions. When in our lives do we simultaneously experience complete opposite emotions? The biggest one for Christians I think is when someone we know and love dearly slips away from us and into the arms of Jesus. So completely helpless and alone we feel but at the same time know they are looking at the face of God and are completely elated for them. I believe that is the ultimate polar emotional experience. But when else in our lives do we feel major polar emotions? I would love to hear from you in the comments about simultaneous polar emotions that you have felt.
     Adoption is such a gift from God. A forever family. Safety. Stability. Consistency. Comfort. Love.
Most people never get to have the ultimate polar emotional experience that my 6 and 7 year old felt that Friday. Even adopted kids that are adopted before they are say 3 or so don't experience that because they are just not old enough to know what is going on. Big kids that are adopted usually don't have parents and haven't for a long time, although adoption is a tough thing for them too. I wouldn't guess many get to experience the overwhelming release of anxiety from not knowing what is going to happen to them, the excitement of knowing they get to be part of this family they have grown to truly love, and the anguish of loss and grief that floods through them at that same moment when they realize that they will not get to see their "real mom" again. Wow. When you are 6 and 7. You get it. You get all of it. You understand and yet you really don't. Why? Why can't we live with her? Why can't she take care of us? Why can't she get better? When will we see her again?

     And then....the glow of their faces when for the next week they tell EVERYONE they come in contact with, "I AM GETTING ADOCKTED!!!" One little Daisy Girl Scout asked, "What is adopted?" And her response was, "It's means I get to stay with the family I'm with forever and ever!!" There were tears and so much confusion that first night but since it's been all excitement. But we do not kid ourselves. We know that we have 4 kids that will always struggle with loss, grief, abandonment, and self-worth issues. I think when you are 6 and 7 adoption is such a gift and a curse all at the same time. So we love. We have grace for tough behaviors. We are patient. We are grateful for the opportunity.
     "Oh Father God give them peace and take away their grief. Help me to be patient and understanding and give me the ability to give them all the loves, all the time. Amen."

Thursday, December 18, 2014

To blog or not to blog. That is the question.

So...Over a month ago I took a leap and boldly claimed that I was going to start blogging again. I have thought about what I wanted to write about every single day since. I do have a lot to say but have had mixed emotions about what of my life should be private and what should be public. How important is it to have my family's story out there for the world in order to advocate for kids that deserve families versus telling my kid's story for the world to read. Is it mine to tell?
I wish every family would adopt one kid. I wish everyone could let down their barriers and drop their excuses and bring one kid into their world. I wish for that so desperately that I have to speak out. I have to advocate for the sweet babies that have spent far too many days in foster homes, shelters, on the street, in group homes, residential facilities, and orphanages. They all deserve to be in a family. Yep, Every. Single. One. And because I desire so badly for each one to be adopted I must speak. I must write. I must advocate. I must fight. Part of that involves just telling my (our) story. It's a good story. So far, it's a good story. It's hard sometimes but it's good. Not once, nope not one time, has God asked me to do something and said, "I want you to do this, and I'll make sure it's simple and easy and won't break your heart." Not once. BUT, He has said to me that He wants me to go. He wants me to go out into the world and do some stuff to save his children. His babies. And that He will equip me to do His work.
Just a few short hours after we said, "Yes Lord".
So...follow me into my world where we do His work for His kids. We don't do it perfectly, we don't even do it well sometimes. We screw up. We are not perfect....but we go...because our God calls us to. Follow us into our world....
(to be continued)