I'm Back

It has been almost three years since I've posted on this blog. I miss it. I think of it often. I have a lot to say. I have thoughts that the world needs to hear. So, I'm back. I've tweaked the background and a few things. Still can't get that title where I want it but thought I'd go ahead and post something today. I'll share thoughts and pictures and things that make me think and things I think you should think. I'll try and post regularly. People are interested in our life. Why we live counter-cultural and what it looks like. What motivates us to do so and how it works. I have recently heard God calling me to not only "look after orphans" but to advocate for them and to be a voice for them. This is my medium. I look forward to sharing me here.

Question for you today:
What if God actually has things He wants us to do today?

What If Mary Had Said No?

In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”
 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”
 The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.”
“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

A friend of mine posed the question, "How many other Mary's did the Angel ask?"

So I started thinking about this. God knew that Mary, the mother of Jesus, would say yes but he also gave us free will. Do you think the angel asked other young ladies to be the mother of the savior of the world and they said, "no"?

Don't you think they would have been obedient to God's calling? But would I have? I mean in the last few years I have become very cognisant of when God is asking me to do something and when I am willfully disobedient or when I just refuse to listen. And the stuff He is asking me is pretty minimal compared to mothering his one and only Son.

Do you think they would have been able to stop believing the lies they believe? The lies that she isn't good enough for her friends or to be a good mom or to be a good wife?....let alone believe that she is good enough to be the mother of God's son?

These questions have been speaking to me this week. I say no to God at times when I am afraid. And really what he is asking me is small, so small...pick up the phone, talk to that person, write that e-mail. What if Mary had said, "no" because she was afraid or not willing to take the risk or just didn't really feel up to it or didn't want to change the course of her life quite that drastically or didn't feel like she was good enough?

Flashback Friday



"Word On The Street"
Evening In December
2006

God is really speaking to me through this song...

I think God not only speaks to ME about me through these words but to me about those I serve. Great message. Take a listen...

Fill Me Up

I am undone.

(I need to journal so my blog is my paper. I missed you blog.)

I do not trust You.
I do not believe You are enough for me. To fill me. To fill me up.
So I fill me up...with food, and soda, and  money, and this computer.
It doesn't last. I crave and crave and crave for more. I know I crave You but my sinful nature continues to fill me up with food, and soda, and money, and this computer.
I do not trust You...You who have created me in my Mother's womb. You who sent your child to die a horrible death, for me. How is that...that I dare to doubt You...that I dare to not trust You who created me. That is my sin. I do not trust You to fill me up.
Here I am undone before You...longing to know how to let YOU fill me up.
Fill me up Lord. I am your empty vessel. I am broken. Fill me up.



The ONLY thing that's good in me IS Jesus...
Thank you Lord.
Amen

Flashback Friday

July 2003
Cheyenne Frontier Days
I was 6 months pregnant with Ellie
We slept in a tent and it was so hot and crowded but we had a blast!

Running Update: The Last Chapter

There were really only 3 chapters in this running saga. Regardless, this is the last. The honest truth is that I ran for a month. 

 After running for two weeks I went to the Colorado Running Company and had them examine my gate and pick out the perfect shoe for my feet that underpronate. I was stoked. All my pain and cramps will go away. I not only had severe cramping from my toes to my knees about 30 seconds after I started walking, my hips started hurting and I now - 6 weeks later - have some major issues going on with my feet. I ran for 2 weeks after getting my new shoes and then was done. The pain was unbearable. My hips and feet still hurt. Really. I had the thought that I would bike. Well then school was out and biking with 3 small children presents a bit of a problem. So I decided that a person that is 50 pounds overweight is not going to loose weight or really get into shape by running and not changing eating habits. So back to life as usual.

Eating Habits.
Without writing a book about my struggles with weight and eating for the last 8 years or so I want to highlight a few things that have impacted me and my eating habits this week. These truths have come to me through a Bible Study I've lead 3 times but this book put them all together for me and are impacting. These are the words of Lysa Terkeurst from her book, Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food. Many of these words however could be my own.

• "It's not the 'how to' I'm missing. It's the 'want to'...really wanting to make changes and deciding that the results of those changes are worth the sacrifice."
• "We crave what we eat."
• "We were made to crave -- long for, want greatly, desire eagerly and beg for -- God. Only God."
• "This wasn't really about the scale or what clothing size I was; it was about this battle that raged in my heart."
• "Is it possible to love and rely on food more than we love and rely on God?"
• "God never intended us to want anything more than we want Him."
• "Poor food choices were sabotaging my body, my mental energy, and even my spirit. Food had become like a drug."
• "We were made for more than this. More than this failure, more than this cycle, more than being ruled by taste buds. We were made for victory. Sometimes we just have to find our way to that truth."
• "The real reason for grounding ourselves in the truth that we are made for more is so that you may know him better." She goes on to say that skinny eaters miss this privledge in life.
• "Becoming a woman of self-discipline honors God and helps me live the godly characteristic of self-control."

So I'm through chapter 6. It took me that many chapters to have the 'want to'. I literally said to myself today about a dozen times, "I am made for more than this." I went an entire day without eating bread, pasta, potatos, rice, or processed sugar...because I am made for more than this failure, this cycle and being ruled by my taste buds. I was made for more than this cycle of depression and loving food more than I love my God.

I've only begun to truly believe that He really is capable. The God that rose Jesus from the dead can use that same power to get me out of this horrible cycle. It's true. He can.

It's the beginning of a new era for me I pray. I'm putting myself out there...like I did months ago with so many accountability partners for my new chapter of running...and failed.

Most of you think I'm crazy but maybe one person that reads this needed to hear something I wrote. Or maybe it's for me - I just needed to write it.

About me

Some things you may or may not know about me:

My biggest pet peeve is when people are not considerate of other people sleeping.


I consider myself to be a very lazy person.


I am a true extrovert who gets energy from being around other people.


Great praise and worship music does amazing things to my soul and demeanor. Although I really love most 80's music.


I've spent the last year learning how to love deeper. I think it's working.


It's only been in the last year of my life that I've begun to truly enjoy reading.


I love to travel.


I sell Mary Kay but don't really wear make-up.


I miss being in theater.


I really love old Volkswagon Bugs.


I miss competitive sports.

I was never going to have kids.

My biggest struggle is loving food more than I love - well other things that - well I SHOULD love more than food.

I consider myself completely blessed and cannot believe that my husband picked me. Oh how my life has changed because of him. I am so lucky.

I really do have my filter turned on. You would not like me if I turned it off.

Blue is and pretty much always has been my favorite color but for some reason lately I'm kinda into bright pinks and lime greens and stuff. Wierd.

I've always been most comfortable being a little different.

How about you?

Give me a few good facts about you that I may or may not know...

Happy Birthday Isaac

Happy Birthday Isaac!

Isaac is 5 today. Man I love that kid. He is sooooo happy to be 5. This morning he was more excited about his cupcake breakfast than his new watch he got to open. He took cupcakes with Nerds on them to church school today. Tonight we are having macaroni and cheese with hotdogs. Yummmm!!

Wanted to repost his birth story today that I posted back in February.

Back in my post about Mutual Care I mentioned a time that I mourned a baby named Sophie. I'm not sure I can put this into words but I'll try. Sophie never really existed. Really. But I mourned the loss of her as if she had. On a smaller scale so did Josh and Ellie and possibly a few friends and family members. How is that possible? To truely mourn someone that never existed?

Me 7 months pregnant
My sister Pamela 8 months pregnant

In my mind and in my heart and in my soul Sophie existed for 9 months. At 20 weeks gestation the sonographer told Josh, Ellie, and I that we were having a girl. I was elated. Two daughters = perfection! Matching outfits, matching jammies, Big Sister/Little Sister shirts, Quiet shy girl/Fiesty tough girl kid sister, Ellie and Sophie. That's the way it was to be. My family threw a small shower that included very small, very tiny, very adorable little dresses and...matching jammies for Ellie and Sophie. My mom knit Sophie a beautiful lavender blanket with a matching sweater and bonnet. Many times Ellie would lie on my belly and talk to Sophie, her little sister. One time she tried to put toys in through my belly button for Sophie to play with. That girl, little Sophie Louise, was loved. Her middle name was to be after her Grammie, Jean Louise and my Grandma, Moyne Louise. I loved that she would carry on the middle name of two women that I love and that would cherish her.

Ellie and Sophie's matching jammies

Her bag was packed with 2 cute little girlie outfits and her lavender blankie. We left the house around 2:00 in the morning on June 21st and met my precious friend and doula, Carol, at Penrose Hospital, in Colorado Springs. At 10:48 in the morning I pushed a beautiful healthy baby into this world. The first words I heard from my husband were, "Uhhhhh...It's a boy.?." and I think I said something like, "Shut up!" And then I looked at Carol who had tears in her eyes and a look of mixed emotion and disbelief on her face and all she could do was nod and look at me to see what my face was going to do next. I immediately was filled with disbelief, sadness, happiness, guilt (for the sadness), and the thought - what exactly am I supposed to feel at this very moment? I knew at that moment that I was supposed to feel happy and be grateful that my son was healthy and beautiful, but really I felt sad, and I felt guilty for feeling sad. I knew that Carol knew exactly what I was feeling. I knew that Josh knew I was disappointed. At the same time I felt like I had to supress those feelings of disappointment and sadness and only show how elated I was for this 8 pound 2 ounce beautiful, healthy, bald, baby boy I held in my arms.

It wasn't until I was home and Josh had gone to work and Brittney was at school and Ellie was at preschool that I sat nursing my sweet precious baby boy that I cried and cried and cried. Where was Sophie? She was here and then she wasn't? She was in me and then she wasn't. Why do I feel this way? She was never ever in me. I also felt guilty for not having a strong bond with this baby we had named Isaac. I did not feel that I had bonded with him while I carried him in my womb for 9 months. Everyone thought it was great that we had named him Isaac which means 'laughter'. I didn't think it was funny. I couldn't talk to anyone. How ridiculous was I to grieve over someone that never existed?

Isaac will be 5 years old in June. He brings me so much laughter. Isaac's love language is touch. He is my snuggler and loves to be held and cuddled and kissed-on and tickeled. He is very strong-willed and knows what he wants. He is bright and catches on to things so quickly. He loves to build things and figure out how things work. He is sensitive and kind and cares for others. I would not trade him for the world. He is perfect in every way and perfect for me and perfect for our family and is going to grow up to be something great I know it.

But I still wonder about Sophie and I still miss her and honestly sometimes I even cry when I think about her. And yes I still think it's ridiculous that I mourn over someone that never really existed. But to me she did.

Super-Human Grace

I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I'm worn down. I'm bushed, disheartened, dispirited, distressed, exasperated, weary, overburdened, annoyed, haggard, irritated, jaded, and spent. (Yeah I used a thesaurus but that does not negate how I feel!)

This was one day about a year ago when they were bored in their room.

Everyone needs two almost-5-year-old boys with nothing to do all day every day. 

I spend my days saying to myself, "WHY??". Why can't they learn? Why don't they listen? Why don't they obey? Why don't they desire to make better choices? WHY?

I have gone to bed every night for the last week trying to brainstorm how to make my days better, easier, more enjoyable while they are at home together all day every day for the next 90 days. I pray for wisdom and creativity and endurance and sweet words to flow from my mouth. I pray for new perspective and outlook. I read books about loving unconditionally and how to live life to the fullest right before I fall asleep. And approximately 10 minutes after I put my feet on the floor in the morning I am spewing and threatening and yelling and well,  feeling exasperated.

As I was cleaning this morning and had moved one unnamed 4-year-old-boy to 3 different time out locations, I thought, 'isn't that how our Father God feels about us'? Exasperated? Wondering every day: Why can't they learn? Why don't they listen? Why don't they obey? Why don't they desire to make better choices?

Fortunately for us He is God and He has infinite amounts of grace and even when exasperated He can still offer grace and love and give us another chance. I, however am human. A visual I have had lately is of God living in me and giving me power that I would not have otherwise. Almost like a super-hero. Visualize haggard mom with a big 'HS' for Holy Spirt on her shirt. The holy spirit is in me and can make me more like Jesus every minute of every day. He can give me the ability to love these boys well despite their sinfulness.

God give me the POWER to have your super human powered grace exude from my person every minute of every day!! Those boys need it. And Lord forgive me for every time I open my mouth and spew nastiness to these boys today. Amen.

Anyone have advice for structure, creativity, and large amounts of patience? Anyone else going through this yet or anticipating it as summer begins?

Running Update

Dear accountability friends,

It's been 17 days since my original post about my new running goals. I have only run 7 times. I ran 5 minutes straight yesterday - twice. I know sad. Well, it WAS hilly.

Today I traded in my beautiful girly blue running shoes for some ugly manly red ones. Really - men's shoes. Makes me sad. But when I start running tomorrow and don't get cramps from my toes to my hips I think I'll get over the ugliness. Too bad I couldn't just keep the cute blue ones to wear to WalMart but had to trade.

Let me just say that I really hate running. I have enjoyed the time alone and do feel like I've accomplished something when I'm finished. However I really love to eat. I eat when I'm tired, I eat when I'm not. I eat when I'm down, I eat when I feel good. I eat when I'm alone, I eat when I'm with friends. I secretly eat. I really love to eat. It's hard on my joints to be 50 pounds overweight. I mean if I'm going to go through the effort to try and get in shape and actually run you would think I would be motivated to stop stuffing my face. Doesn't seem to be the case. I've gained a few pounds in the last 2 weeks.

The last 2 times I've run I have had to spend the entire day saying to myself - "but it MIGHT actually work", and "I have 250 people holding me accountable," and "I really do want to run and hike with my husband this summer". UGH...and there I go.

Well, if anyone has any great and brilliant advice, have at it. I'm just hoping these shoes make it so I don't have cramps in my feet and calves the ENTIRE time I run and walk.

I'll keep you "posted".
AM

I DID IT

Apparently I need some accountablity - big time. It's a bit of a risk. This post. But here goes...I did it. Today was my first real work-out in a year. It was very minimal to most people's standards for sure. But to be quite honest - it kicked my butt. According to the BMI on my Wii Fit I am currently 60 pounds overweight. It's April 5th. My goal is to run the 5k "race" with my husband on July 4th in Sterling. Key word being RUN. I've walked it many times. Once I even jogged a little bit but never have I run that far without stopping. I honestly cannot even wrap my brain around actually doing that. I printed off a 6 week training program from Weight Watchers. Supposedly in 6 weeks I should be able to run a 5k. I'm giving myself a little more time but I will do everything I can to stick to the program. Running is the hardest physical activity I've ever done. I'm guessing it would be easier on my joints and my body if I was not 60 pounds overweight but let's hope the eating right and running helps that too! My real goal is to hike a 14er or two with my husband this summer (and not be miserable doing it). I love to spend time with him and I cannot think of anything better than spending time with him doing what he loves.

Josh and I on top of Mt. Princeton
a week after we met
June 1998

So far my work-out buddy has been very helpful and encouraging. He stuck with me today.

So I guess the point is - ask me in 6 weeks how the training for the 5k is going. I considered "before and after" pictures but I'll spare you. I'm so tempted to just delete this whole thing cause the accountability freaks me out. What if I just get really fatter???

Anyone ever start a rigorous work-out program 60 pounds overweight? Or something similar? Any advice?

Flashback Friday

Ellie and I ~ March 2007
In Sterling for my Gramma Fry's funeral
I miss her.

Enough

"...All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with your love. And all I have in You is more than enough..." Chris Tomlin

Standing in church with eyes lifted high, voice lifted high, soul lifted high.

Isaac on Daddy's shoulders, Julia with her new step-daughter, me, my new sweet foster daughter, Anna and a friend, her friends dad, all in a row...ripples...of my heart...

Overflowing...Completely...Welling up...Tears Overflowing...

Understanding, completely grasping, and living these words...

Sophie Louise

Back in my post about Mutual Care I mentioned a time that I mourned a baby named Sophie. I'm not sure I can put this into words but I'll try. Sophie never really existed. Really. But I mourned the loss of her as if she had. On a smaller scale so did Josh and Ellie and possibly a few friends and family members. How is that possible? To truely mourn someone that never existed?

Me 7 months pregnant
My sister Pamela 8 months pregnant

In my mind and in my heart and in my soul Sophie existed for 9 months. At 20 weeks gestation the sonographer told Josh, Ellie, and I that we were having a girl. I was elated. Two daughters = perfection! Matching outfits, matching jammies, Big Sister/Little Sister shirts, Quiet shy girl/Fiesty tough girl kid sister, Ellie and Sophie. That's the way it was to be. My family threw a small shower that included very small, very tiny, very adorable little dresses and...matching jammies for Ellie and Sophie. My mom knit Sophie a beautiful lavender blanket with a matching sweater and bonnet. Many times Ellie would lie on my belly and talk to Sophie, her little sister. One time she tried to put toys in through my belly button for Sophie to play with. That girl, little Sophie Louise, was loved. Her middle name was to be after her Grammie, Jean Louise and my Grandma, Moyne Louise. I loved that she would carry on the middle name of two women that I love and that would cherish her.

Ellie and Sophie's matching jammies

Her bag was packed with 2 cute little girlie outfits and her lavender blankie. We left the house around 2:00 in the morning on June 21st and met my precious friend and doula, Carol, at Penrose Hospital, in Colorado Springs. At 10:48 in the morning I pushed a beautiful healthy baby into this world. The first words I heard from my husband were, "Uhhhhh...It's a boy.?." and I think I said something like, "Shut up!" And then I looked at Carol who had tears in her eyes and a look of mixed emotion and disbelief on her face and all she could do was nod and look at me to see what my face was going to do next. I immediately was filled with disbelief, sadness, happiness, guilt (for the sadness), and the thought - what exactly am I supposed to feel at this very moment? I knew at that moment that I was supposed to feel happy and be grateful that my son was healthy and beautiful, but really I felt sad, and I felt guilty for feeling sad. I knew that Carol knew exactly what I was feeling. I knew that Josh knew I was disappointed. At the same time I felt like I had to supress those feelings of disappointment and sadness and only show how elated I was for this 8 pound 2 ounce beautiful, healthy, bald, baby boy I held in my arms.

It wasn't until I was home and Josh had gone to work and Brittney was at school and Ellie was at preschool that I sat nursing my sweet precious baby boy that I cried and cried and cried. Where was Sophie? She was here and then she wasn't? She was in me and then she wasn't. Why do I feel this way? She was never ever in me. I also felt guilty for not having a strong bond with this baby we had named Isaac. I did not feel that I had bonded with him while I carried him in my womb for 9 months. Everyone thought it was great that we had named him Isaac which means 'laughter'. I didn't think it was funny. I couldn't talk to anyone. How ridiculous was I to grieve over someone that never existed?

Isaac will be 5 years old in June. He brings me so much laughter. Isaac's love language is touch. He is my snuggler and loves to be held and cuddled and kissed-on and tickeled. He is very strong-willed and knows what he wants. He is bright and catches on to things so quickly. He loves to build things and figure out how things work. He is sensitive and kind and cares for others. I would not trade him for the world. He is perfect in every way and perfect for me and perfect for our family and is going to grow up to be something great I know it.

But I still wonder about Sophie and I still miss her and honestly sometimes I even cry when I think about her. And yes I still think it's ridiculous that I mourn over someone that never really existed. But to me she did.

Mutual Care

Over the last 8 years or so I have developed opinions. Opinions about adoption. About girls, young girls, who have babies at a very young age. I have swung from one side of the pendulum to the other and am currently in the middle. I do not believe that all teen girls under the age of 18 should give their children up for adoption. Don't get me wrong, when that does happen, miracles are in the making. I also do not believe that every girl under the age of 18 should be given every opportunity possible to keep her child especially when she doesn't have any interest, desire, or drive to do so!

I have a heart for kids that need loving, permanant families. That fact has shown up in numerous ways in my life in the last 9 years. I've adopted one. I've fostered 25. I've been the babysitter for children of some of the 25. I've opened my home to some of the 25 seven years later. But I do not have it all figured out. My heart wants to adopt them all. Them and their kid and their next kid and their next. I also want them to grow up and figure it out and be able to keep that kid. I don't want to take kids away from people who want desperately to keep them.

However, I have been pondering adoption. I want to adopt a baby girl. From the system. Josh doesn't. He loves having foster kids and helping them in such an amazing tangible way but in no way does he want to have a baby at this point in our life that is his (and my) responsibility. So I have been mourning the idea of a baby girl. Maybe it goes back to almost 5 years ago when I mourned the loss of baby Sophie for many months. (We'll save that for another post!)

It's 11:30 one night and God throws this idea my way. It's called Mutual Care. We've done it before. Not terribly successfully mind you. It is hard and it is a big commitment and there are a lot of factors that make it that way. But I see it now. It's the answer I have been searching for. To help mother's keep their babies is such a huge gift. An amazing, hard, practical gift. The easier answer might be to adopt them. The harder answer is to help their mamas keep them. Please know that I am not inferring in any way that adoption is easy, ever. If you feel called to adopt by all means help the 150 millon children already orphaned have a loving family. But here is another piece to the orphan crisis. There are many.

Mutual Care is when a teen girl who is pregnant or has a new baby is placed with you so that you can help her in every way - to keep her child. She is at risk for neglecting, abusing and losing her child. It involves caring for a vulnerable young girl and caring for a tiny vulnerable baby. But most of all it involves teaching which involves compassion and caring and structure and a lot of prayer. Teaching a young immature, vulnerable, scared girl to bond, attach, schedule, diaper, and care for her helpless precious flesh and blood 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Part of the challenge is doing what is right by the mama and the baby and it doesn't always turn out how you or I think it should. That is what is so hard about doing foster care I think.

It's hard. And it's rewarding. I think it's what God might have in store for us instead of adoption. It's good. There is such a need. My answer to adoption? ~ Mutual Care

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8

Questions about adoption? Fostercare? Mutual care? Leave a comment!

Flashback Friday

Todd, Scott, and Steve
February 2007

For several years I served on the "Creative Team" at our church. It was a blessing to serve in such an amazing way. I was part of an incredible group of talent that worked each week to put together Sunday services as well as special events at our church. As life got busy and God called me to spend more time at home with my kids and foster kids I had to stop. I miss it. I really do. Four years ago this month six of us rode in an old RV from Woodland Park to Kansas City for a conference over a long weekend. It was one of the coolest things I've ever gotten to do. So fun to be a part of that. This is our worship pastor and two other great musicians and talents worshipping while we were on the road. We have an incredible amount of talent in our relatively small mountain church. Such a blessing and a gift.

Thank you my husband...

for...

• putting extra insulation around the house
• putting the boys to bed most every night
• reading Little House books to Ellie
• humoring the children daily
• cutting, splitting, and stacking wood so our home can be warm
• going to work most every day doing something that you only moderately love so we can have an abundant life
• teaching me...about things that I refuse to read in a newspaper
• being patient with me daily in the little things and the big
• fixing my car
• fixing my bike
• the blessing of grace
• being an amazing example of unconditional love to me and to many others
• taking me on dates to do things that I want to do more than you want to
• leading our family in devotions nightly
• expecting our boys to be respectful and kind and desiring them to be like you...and like Jesus
• appreciating me
• kissing me right before you walk out the door and right after you walk in
• always saying yes when I ask you for a time out for me
• desiring to be the husband and daddy God created you to be
• having a heart for others
• turning my electric blanket on before I go to bed
• encouraging me
• making me laugh
• loving me...just the way I am

...to be continued...


My sweet hubby and I
2002

 You are a gift to me daily. I thank God every day for you. And...I STILL like you!
~AM

Flashback Friday

Ellie's Dedication at Church
January 2004
My Gram gave Ellie this beautiful Christening gown

My Girls



Brittney's Baptism at Camp Elim ~
 Proud Day for this Foster Mama



I cherish the phone calls from my girls. They call when they need a mommy to be proud of them. I'm getting my driver's license! I'm going to college! I got a job! I love love love that I am the one they want to call. And I hate hate hate that I am the only one they have to call. It's hard enough to spend years and sometimes a lifetime in and out of fostercare and in and out of stranger's homes. So many expectations and so many changes and so much inconsistancy. And then to be expected to get out there and be successful on your own without a family and a mommy to lean on. I am 37 and talk to my Mommy almost every day. Some of these girls have no real friends and no real family and they are just out there. As a foster mom there is no requirement that you have to maintain contact with anyone after they leave your home. And a lot of times that is the case. I try and be there for the girls and I LOVE to stay in contact with all of them. One of our girls is in college in California. One of our girls has her CNA and is working and going to school to be a dental hygenist. One of our girls is getting her driver's license and enrolling in college. One has kept a great career job for over a year. There are success stories. There are more stories that aren't successes. Our motto as foster parents is: love them unconditionaly and give them everything I can while I have them and hope and pray that something I did or didn't do or said or didn't say has a positive lasting effect on them. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to love these girls and let them go. Thank you for the contact I get to have with some of them. And thank you Lord for each of them.

(I took this last night ~ after this post was published) Anna and Julia call each other sisters. Julia came by and Anna was here. Fun for them to catch up.