Flashback Friday

Happy Isaac
~ 4 months old ~
October 2006

Flashback Friday

First Day of School

August 2008

Isaac and Kenny to Learning Center at church

and Ellie homeschooled Kindergarten

We had so much fun.



Flashback Friday

Isaac ~ 1 month
July 2006

Flashback Friday

My Gram and Isaac
4th of July 2006
Gram was 91 and Isaac was 2 weeks old

Flashback Friday

Papa and Isaac have birthdays 3 days apart.
This is at Isaac's first birthday party.
June 2007
Happy Birthday Isaac and Papa!
This year Isaac turned 5 and Papa turned 60!

Father's Day

We started out Father's Day with giving Daddy his favor coupons. Each of the kids had made a card and included one or more things they would like to help Daddy with or do for him - favors. And we had a pair of "Perry the Platypus" boxer shorts for him too, which he really liked.

Church was great. The music was amazing, including a solo from Greg Cooper, Noah on the shaker, and a slideshow that made everyone cry. Miranda Netherton gave a killer performance like I've never seen before. And my brother-in-law Jason Friesema and Noah talked about their last month of stress and blessings with Noah's tumor experience.

We ate PB&J in the car on the way to take "big K" to her first week long church camp. I think I was more nervous than she was. Praying so hard this week for her to have an amazing camp experience and make great friends and learn how much God adores her.

We then headed down to rock climb at Red Rocks Canyon. Josh climbed once and then Ellie made it to the top four times and Isaac twice. So fun to hang out as a little family and rock climb.

The boys wore their too-small "Son of Super Dad" shirts and Ellie wore her "I love Daddy" shirt.

I love this picture of Kenny and his Daddy hiking to the rock climbing spot.

On belay? Belay on...

This was the first time Isaac made it past 1/2 way. He made it to the top twice. Go buddy!

Ellie made it up four times. She was a little climbing fool. She made her Daddy so proud.

And poor Kenny, our little climbing freak, didn't get to climb. Daddy is all about safety first and he couldn't follow the rules and stay safe. Made us sad that he didn't get to climb. Next time bud.

I honestly cannot imagine a better Daddy for my kids. He loves them and is so good with them. Thanks babe for all you do for these three and the other 25 and counting...

Love you Josh Friesema!

Happy Birthday Isaac

Happy Birthday Isaac!

Isaac is 5 today. Man I love that kid. He is sooooo happy to be 5. This morning he was more excited about his cupcake breakfast than his new watch he got to open. He took cupcakes with Nerds on them to church school today. Tonight we are having macaroni and cheese with hotdogs. Yummmm!!

Wanted to repost his birth story today that I posted back in February.

Back in my post about Mutual Care I mentioned a time that I mourned a baby named Sophie. I'm not sure I can put this into words but I'll try. Sophie never really existed. Really. But I mourned the loss of her as if she had. On a smaller scale so did Josh and Ellie and possibly a few friends and family members. How is that possible? To truely mourn someone that never existed?

Me 7 months pregnant
My sister Pamela 8 months pregnant

In my mind and in my heart and in my soul Sophie existed for 9 months. At 20 weeks gestation the sonographer told Josh, Ellie, and I that we were having a girl. I was elated. Two daughters = perfection! Matching outfits, matching jammies, Big Sister/Little Sister shirts, Quiet shy girl/Fiesty tough girl kid sister, Ellie and Sophie. That's the way it was to be. My family threw a small shower that included very small, very tiny, very adorable little dresses and...matching jammies for Ellie and Sophie. My mom knit Sophie a beautiful lavender blanket with a matching sweater and bonnet. Many times Ellie would lie on my belly and talk to Sophie, her little sister. One time she tried to put toys in through my belly button for Sophie to play with. That girl, little Sophie Louise, was loved. Her middle name was to be after her Grammie, Jean Louise and my Grandma, Moyne Louise. I loved that she would carry on the middle name of two women that I love and that would cherish her.

Ellie and Sophie's matching jammies

Her bag was packed with 2 cute little girlie outfits and her lavender blankie. We left the house around 2:00 in the morning on June 21st and met my precious friend and doula, Carol, at Penrose Hospital, in Colorado Springs. At 10:48 in the morning I pushed a beautiful healthy baby into this world. The first words I heard from my husband were, "Uhhhhh...It's a boy.?." and I think I said something like, "Shut up!" And then I looked at Carol who had tears in her eyes and a look of mixed emotion and disbelief on her face and all she could do was nod and look at me to see what my face was going to do next. I immediately was filled with disbelief, sadness, happiness, guilt (for the sadness), and the thought - what exactly am I supposed to feel at this very moment? I knew at that moment that I was supposed to feel happy and be grateful that my son was healthy and beautiful, but really I felt sad, and I felt guilty for feeling sad. I knew that Carol knew exactly what I was feeling. I knew that Josh knew I was disappointed. At the same time I felt like I had to supress those feelings of disappointment and sadness and only show how elated I was for this 8 pound 2 ounce beautiful, healthy, bald, baby boy I held in my arms.

It wasn't until I was home and Josh had gone to work and Brittney was at school and Ellie was at preschool that I sat nursing my sweet precious baby boy that I cried and cried and cried. Where was Sophie? She was here and then she wasn't? She was in me and then she wasn't. Why do I feel this way? She was never ever in me. I also felt guilty for not having a strong bond with this baby we had named Isaac. I did not feel that I had bonded with him while I carried him in my womb for 9 months. Everyone thought it was great that we had named him Isaac which means 'laughter'. I didn't think it was funny. I couldn't talk to anyone. How ridiculous was I to grieve over someone that never existed?

Isaac will be 5 years old in June. He brings me so much laughter. Isaac's love language is touch. He is my snuggler and loves to be held and cuddled and kissed-on and tickeled. He is very strong-willed and knows what he wants. He is bright and catches on to things so quickly. He loves to build things and figure out how things work. He is sensitive and kind and cares for others. I would not trade him for the world. He is perfect in every way and perfect for me and perfect for our family and is going to grow up to be something great I know it.

But I still wonder about Sophie and I still miss her and honestly sometimes I even cry when I think about her. And yes I still think it's ridiculous that I mourn over someone that never really existed. But to me she did.

Super-Human Grace

I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I'm worn down. I'm bushed, disheartened, dispirited, distressed, exasperated, weary, overburdened, annoyed, haggard, irritated, jaded, and spent. (Yeah I used a thesaurus but that does not negate how I feel!)

This was one day about a year ago when they were bored in their room.

Everyone needs two almost-5-year-old boys with nothing to do all day every day. 

I spend my days saying to myself, "WHY??". Why can't they learn? Why don't they listen? Why don't they obey? Why don't they desire to make better choices? WHY?

I have gone to bed every night for the last week trying to brainstorm how to make my days better, easier, more enjoyable while they are at home together all day every day for the next 90 days. I pray for wisdom and creativity and endurance and sweet words to flow from my mouth. I pray for new perspective and outlook. I read books about loving unconditionally and how to live life to the fullest right before I fall asleep. And approximately 10 minutes after I put my feet on the floor in the morning I am spewing and threatening and yelling and well,  feeling exasperated.

As I was cleaning this morning and had moved one unnamed 4-year-old-boy to 3 different time out locations, I thought, 'isn't that how our Father God feels about us'? Exasperated? Wondering every day: Why can't they learn? Why don't they listen? Why don't they obey? Why don't they desire to make better choices?

Fortunately for us He is God and He has infinite amounts of grace and even when exasperated He can still offer grace and love and give us another chance. I, however am human. A visual I have had lately is of God living in me and giving me power that I would not have otherwise. Almost like a super-hero. Visualize haggard mom with a big 'HS' for Holy Spirt on her shirt. The holy spirit is in me and can make me more like Jesus every minute of every day. He can give me the ability to love these boys well despite their sinfulness.

God give me the POWER to have your super human powered grace exude from my person every minute of every day!! Those boys need it. And Lord forgive me for every time I open my mouth and spew nastiness to these boys today. Amen.

Anyone have advice for structure, creativity, and large amounts of patience? Anyone else going through this yet or anticipating it as summer begins?

Flashback Friday

June 28, 1927 ~ May 6, 2011
We love you Grandpa Friesema ~ You will be missed
Ray, John Sr., Josh, Isaac ~ July 2006

Flashback Friday

Happy Easter!

Kenny ~ Easter 2007

 

Ellie and Isaac ~ Easter 2007



Multitude Monday

189. soft 4 year old boy kisses

190. Isaac: I'll never not snuggle you Mommy.

191. a daddy that completely adores his daughter and a time to celebrate that

192. an adorable beautiful daughter excited to have a date with her daddy

193. found library books

194. the sound of little girls practicing the piano

195. little boys loving to help Mommy

196. a special time coming for Josh to just be...with his dad...and his Grandpa...

197. excitement of vacations coming

198. siblings loving to play together

199. walking hand-in-hand as a family to the gas station with allowance in pockets to buy a candy on a cold Sunday afternoon

200. the reminder this week that giving thanks is not only for the "good" things but for the hard things too

201. Sunday morning sermon about how to love especially when it's hard
202. time with my best friend/husband talking about real stuff and laughing

Check back next week for another installment of Multitude Monday. God IS Good. Gratitude precedes the miracle... 

Sophie Louise

Back in my post about Mutual Care I mentioned a time that I mourned a baby named Sophie. I'm not sure I can put this into words but I'll try. Sophie never really existed. Really. But I mourned the loss of her as if she had. On a smaller scale so did Josh and Ellie and possibly a few friends and family members. How is that possible? To truely mourn someone that never existed?

Me 7 months pregnant
My sister Pamela 8 months pregnant

In my mind and in my heart and in my soul Sophie existed for 9 months. At 20 weeks gestation the sonographer told Josh, Ellie, and I that we were having a girl. I was elated. Two daughters = perfection! Matching outfits, matching jammies, Big Sister/Little Sister shirts, Quiet shy girl/Fiesty tough girl kid sister, Ellie and Sophie. That's the way it was to be. My family threw a small shower that included very small, very tiny, very adorable little dresses and...matching jammies for Ellie and Sophie. My mom knit Sophie a beautiful lavender blanket with a matching sweater and bonnet. Many times Ellie would lie on my belly and talk to Sophie, her little sister. One time she tried to put toys in through my belly button for Sophie to play with. That girl, little Sophie Louise, was loved. Her middle name was to be after her Grammie, Jean Louise and my Grandma, Moyne Louise. I loved that she would carry on the middle name of two women that I love and that would cherish her.

Ellie and Sophie's matching jammies

Her bag was packed with 2 cute little girlie outfits and her lavender blankie. We left the house around 2:00 in the morning on June 21st and met my precious friend and doula, Carol, at Penrose Hospital, in Colorado Springs. At 10:48 in the morning I pushed a beautiful healthy baby into this world. The first words I heard from my husband were, "Uhhhhh...It's a boy.?." and I think I said something like, "Shut up!" And then I looked at Carol who had tears in her eyes and a look of mixed emotion and disbelief on her face and all she could do was nod and look at me to see what my face was going to do next. I immediately was filled with disbelief, sadness, happiness, guilt (for the sadness), and the thought - what exactly am I supposed to feel at this very moment? I knew at that moment that I was supposed to feel happy and be grateful that my son was healthy and beautiful, but really I felt sad, and I felt guilty for feeling sad. I knew that Carol knew exactly what I was feeling. I knew that Josh knew I was disappointed. At the same time I felt like I had to supress those feelings of disappointment and sadness and only show how elated I was for this 8 pound 2 ounce beautiful, healthy, bald, baby boy I held in my arms.

It wasn't until I was home and Josh had gone to work and Brittney was at school and Ellie was at preschool that I sat nursing my sweet precious baby boy that I cried and cried and cried. Where was Sophie? She was here and then she wasn't? She was in me and then she wasn't. Why do I feel this way? She was never ever in me. I also felt guilty for not having a strong bond with this baby we had named Isaac. I did not feel that I had bonded with him while I carried him in my womb for 9 months. Everyone thought it was great that we had named him Isaac which means 'laughter'. I didn't think it was funny. I couldn't talk to anyone. How ridiculous was I to grieve over someone that never existed?

Isaac will be 5 years old in June. He brings me so much laughter. Isaac's love language is touch. He is my snuggler and loves to be held and cuddled and kissed-on and tickeled. He is very strong-willed and knows what he wants. He is bright and catches on to things so quickly. He loves to build things and figure out how things work. He is sensitive and kind and cares for others. I would not trade him for the world. He is perfect in every way and perfect for me and perfect for our family and is going to grow up to be something great I know it.

But I still wonder about Sophie and I still miss her and honestly sometimes I even cry when I think about her. And yes I still think it's ridiculous that I mourn over someone that never really existed. But to me she did.

Flashback Friday

Isaac and Kenny
February 2009

Dinosaur Party!

Several times a week at dinner Josh and I receive hand made invitations to a party happening either in the boys room or Ellie's room. Sometimes it's a board game party. Sometimes it's a carnival with games. Sometimes it's an animal party involving many stuffed animals. This night it was a dinosaur party that included a puppet show with sock puppets they had made that day (that looked nothing like dinosaurs) and...

the professional reading of a self-authored and illustrated book about dinosaurs...

and then actual dinosaurs...

My Newest Epiphany

I read several other blogs. I was reading a blog from family friends yesterday. They post every day or so about random things happening in their family. Sometimes there are pictures and sometimes there aren't. I really enjoy it. I asked myself ~ Why don't I do that? Why do I think that I have to have some amazing great epiphany in order to post something? Sometimes I have a lot to say and sometimes I just don't. I had an opportunity to speak to about 40 women at Bible Study this week about being a missionary in your own home. The realities of being a foster/adoptive parent. I realized that people just love to hear stories. Stories of what life is like as a foster and/or adoptive parent. People are curious and just want to know. So I guess it's okay to just tell stories. They do not have to be epic. Just stories. Here is my story for this very moment: Isaac has now run over 2 miles in my living room playing with the Wii Fit. Isaac goes to preschool in the afternoon. We typically do a little reading together and work on letter sounds and writing letters in the mornings along with a little laundry and down time. While I write this Isaac is running and running and running. It's pretty cute. Huh, maybe nobody cares that Isaac just ran his little bitty booty to the ground but that is my story and it's my blog. Oh - It just occured to me I should take a picture. Everyone loves posts with pictures. I hope you enjoy my new posts.

Flashback Friday

Isaac in Ouray ~ May 2007

I miss my babies a little ~ but I miss summer a lot!

Flashback Friday

Isaac (means laughter) - December 2006 - 6 months old



Flashback Friday

I love this costume. I love these boys. So much of the time that my boys have been little I could not wait for them to grow up. Everyone says - enjoy it - they grow up so fast. Yeah yeah, not fast enough! School can't start soon enough. Bedtime can't come fast enough. These two boys have made me very tired and I have aged 15 years in the past 4. Now they are 4 1/2 and sometimes I want them to be 2 again. They start Kindergarten next year and I still want to hold them and feed them. It is true that life IS short and that time DOES fly. You have to admit, these two are cute!!

Lord help me to cherish every moment you have blessed me with and to really enjoy each of my blessings. They are truely precious gifts from you. Help me to remember that and never take them for granted.

Happy Halloween! Squeeze your little monsters!