Running Update: The Last Chapter

There were really only 3 chapters in this running saga. Regardless, this is the last. The honest truth is that I ran for a month. 

 After running for two weeks I went to the Colorado Running Company and had them examine my gate and pick out the perfect shoe for my feet that underpronate. I was stoked. All my pain and cramps will go away. I not only had severe cramping from my toes to my knees about 30 seconds after I started walking, my hips started hurting and I now - 6 weeks later - have some major issues going on with my feet. I ran for 2 weeks after getting my new shoes and then was done. The pain was unbearable. My hips and feet still hurt. Really. I had the thought that I would bike. Well then school was out and biking with 3 small children presents a bit of a problem. So I decided that a person that is 50 pounds overweight is not going to loose weight or really get into shape by running and not changing eating habits. So back to life as usual.

Eating Habits.
Without writing a book about my struggles with weight and eating for the last 8 years or so I want to highlight a few things that have impacted me and my eating habits this week. These truths have come to me through a Bible Study I've lead 3 times but this book put them all together for me and are impacting. These are the words of Lysa Terkeurst from her book, Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food. Many of these words however could be my own.

• "It's not the 'how to' I'm missing. It's the 'want to'...really wanting to make changes and deciding that the results of those changes are worth the sacrifice."
• "We crave what we eat."
• "We were made to crave -- long for, want greatly, desire eagerly and beg for -- God. Only God."
• "This wasn't really about the scale or what clothing size I was; it was about this battle that raged in my heart."
• "Is it possible to love and rely on food more than we love and rely on God?"
• "God never intended us to want anything more than we want Him."
• "Poor food choices were sabotaging my body, my mental energy, and even my spirit. Food had become like a drug."
• "We were made for more than this. More than this failure, more than this cycle, more than being ruled by taste buds. We were made for victory. Sometimes we just have to find our way to that truth."
• "The real reason for grounding ourselves in the truth that we are made for more is so that you may know him better." She goes on to say that skinny eaters miss this privledge in life.
• "Becoming a woman of self-discipline honors God and helps me live the godly characteristic of self-control."

So I'm through chapter 6. It took me that many chapters to have the 'want to'. I literally said to myself today about a dozen times, "I am made for more than this." I went an entire day without eating bread, pasta, potatos, rice, or processed sugar...because I am made for more than this failure, this cycle and being ruled by my taste buds. I was made for more than this cycle of depression and loving food more than I love my God.

I've only begun to truly believe that He really is capable. The God that rose Jesus from the dead can use that same power to get me out of this horrible cycle. It's true. He can.

It's the beginning of a new era for me I pray. I'm putting myself out there...like I did months ago with so many accountability partners for my new chapter of running...and failed.

Most of you think I'm crazy but maybe one person that reads this needed to hear something I wrote. Or maybe it's for me - I just needed to write it.

Friesema Family Favorite Flicks

this is a guest post from Ellie age 7 1/2

Friesema Family Favorite Flicks:

Phineas and Ferb

Air Bud

Ramona and Beezus

Winn Dixie

Hairspray

Alpha and Omega

Little House on the Prairie

Pippi Longstocking

Curious George

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

Tinkerbell

Berenstain Bears

Charlotte's Web

Kit Kittredge

Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakquel

Bee Movie

Always watch with lots of good popcorn!!!

Multitude Monday

389. our small town farmer's market - it's huge and so fun

390. fresh eggs

391. concrete in the holes

392. anticipation for Sterling's Old Fashioned 4th of July

393. cute little girls that ask "Can I help you with your chores Mama?"

394. opportunities to teach my kids about life, love, and loss

395. handy husband

396. lunch with a girlfriend

397. beginning to hear the sounds of God's voice - not because he is only beginning to speak to me on the issue but because I'm only beginning to listen to Him on the issue

398. listening to a very cute 14 year old girl go on and on about her first week at church camp and how she memorized verses (so she could ride the "Vomatron") and how when she looks at the bracelet she made she is supposed to remember that she is beautiful and...

399. an e-mail from Josh's grandma

400. the perfect birthday gift for Isaac from one of his favorite people

401. watching my little girl fall in love with new chapter books

402. our library

403. Colorado summer

404. green grass

405. listening to my husband teach from The Word at dinnertime

406. teachable moments

407. swimming with my kids under Colorado blue sky in 84 degrees in a 94 degree pool

408. the sound of hummingbirds at dusk
409. watching my nephew water fight with his dad and  play with cousins when only a month ago he was having "brain surgery"

410. spending an entire day with my family in the sun having a blast

Check back next week for another installment of Multitude Monday. God IS Good...And gratitude precedes the miracle...

Flashback Friday

Papa and Isaac have birthdays 3 days apart.
This is at Isaac's first birthday party.
June 2007
Happy Birthday Isaac and Papa!
This year Isaac turned 5 and Papa turned 60!

About me

Some things you may or may not know about me:

My biggest pet peeve is when people are not considerate of other people sleeping.


I consider myself to be a very lazy person.


I am a true extrovert who gets energy from being around other people.


Great praise and worship music does amazing things to my soul and demeanor. Although I really love most 80's music.


I've spent the last year learning how to love deeper. I think it's working.


It's only been in the last year of my life that I've begun to truly enjoy reading.


I love to travel.


I sell Mary Kay but don't really wear make-up.


I miss being in theater.


I really love old Volkswagon Bugs.


I miss competitive sports.

I was never going to have kids.

My biggest struggle is loving food more than I love - well other things that - well I SHOULD love more than food.

I consider myself completely blessed and cannot believe that my husband picked me. Oh how my life has changed because of him. I am so lucky.

I really do have my filter turned on. You would not like me if I turned it off.

Blue is and pretty much always has been my favorite color but for some reason lately I'm kinda into bright pinks and lime greens and stuff. Wierd.

I've always been most comfortable being a little different.

How about you?

Give me a few good facts about you that I may or may not know...

Father's Day

We started out Father's Day with giving Daddy his favor coupons. Each of the kids had made a card and included one or more things they would like to help Daddy with or do for him - favors. And we had a pair of "Perry the Platypus" boxer shorts for him too, which he really liked.

Church was great. The music was amazing, including a solo from Greg Cooper, Noah on the shaker, and a slideshow that made everyone cry. Miranda Netherton gave a killer performance like I've never seen before. And my brother-in-law Jason Friesema and Noah talked about their last month of stress and blessings with Noah's tumor experience.

We ate PB&J in the car on the way to take "big K" to her first week long church camp. I think I was more nervous than she was. Praying so hard this week for her to have an amazing camp experience and make great friends and learn how much God adores her.

We then headed down to rock climb at Red Rocks Canyon. Josh climbed once and then Ellie made it to the top four times and Isaac twice. So fun to hang out as a little family and rock climb.

The boys wore their too-small "Son of Super Dad" shirts and Ellie wore her "I love Daddy" shirt.

I love this picture of Kenny and his Daddy hiking to the rock climbing spot.

On belay? Belay on...

This was the first time Isaac made it past 1/2 way. He made it to the top twice. Go buddy!

Ellie made it up four times. She was a little climbing fool. She made her Daddy so proud.

And poor Kenny, our little climbing freak, didn't get to climb. Daddy is all about safety first and he couldn't follow the rules and stay safe. Made us sad that he didn't get to climb. Next time bud.

I honestly cannot imagine a better Daddy for my kids. He loves them and is so good with them. Thanks babe for all you do for these three and the other 25 and counting...

Love you Josh Friesema!

Happy Birthday Isaac

Happy Birthday Isaac!

Isaac is 5 today. Man I love that kid. He is sooooo happy to be 5. This morning he was more excited about his cupcake breakfast than his new watch he got to open. He took cupcakes with Nerds on them to church school today. Tonight we are having macaroni and cheese with hotdogs. Yummmm!!

Wanted to repost his birth story today that I posted back in February.

Back in my post about Mutual Care I mentioned a time that I mourned a baby named Sophie. I'm not sure I can put this into words but I'll try. Sophie never really existed. Really. But I mourned the loss of her as if she had. On a smaller scale so did Josh and Ellie and possibly a few friends and family members. How is that possible? To truely mourn someone that never existed?

Me 7 months pregnant
My sister Pamela 8 months pregnant

In my mind and in my heart and in my soul Sophie existed for 9 months. At 20 weeks gestation the sonographer told Josh, Ellie, and I that we were having a girl. I was elated. Two daughters = perfection! Matching outfits, matching jammies, Big Sister/Little Sister shirts, Quiet shy girl/Fiesty tough girl kid sister, Ellie and Sophie. That's the way it was to be. My family threw a small shower that included very small, very tiny, very adorable little dresses and...matching jammies for Ellie and Sophie. My mom knit Sophie a beautiful lavender blanket with a matching sweater and bonnet. Many times Ellie would lie on my belly and talk to Sophie, her little sister. One time she tried to put toys in through my belly button for Sophie to play with. That girl, little Sophie Louise, was loved. Her middle name was to be after her Grammie, Jean Louise and my Grandma, Moyne Louise. I loved that she would carry on the middle name of two women that I love and that would cherish her.

Ellie and Sophie's matching jammies

Her bag was packed with 2 cute little girlie outfits and her lavender blankie. We left the house around 2:00 in the morning on June 21st and met my precious friend and doula, Carol, at Penrose Hospital, in Colorado Springs. At 10:48 in the morning I pushed a beautiful healthy baby into this world. The first words I heard from my husband were, "Uhhhhh...It's a boy.?." and I think I said something like, "Shut up!" And then I looked at Carol who had tears in her eyes and a look of mixed emotion and disbelief on her face and all she could do was nod and look at me to see what my face was going to do next. I immediately was filled with disbelief, sadness, happiness, guilt (for the sadness), and the thought - what exactly am I supposed to feel at this very moment? I knew at that moment that I was supposed to feel happy and be grateful that my son was healthy and beautiful, but really I felt sad, and I felt guilty for feeling sad. I knew that Carol knew exactly what I was feeling. I knew that Josh knew I was disappointed. At the same time I felt like I had to supress those feelings of disappointment and sadness and only show how elated I was for this 8 pound 2 ounce beautiful, healthy, bald, baby boy I held in my arms.

It wasn't until I was home and Josh had gone to work and Brittney was at school and Ellie was at preschool that I sat nursing my sweet precious baby boy that I cried and cried and cried. Where was Sophie? She was here and then she wasn't? She was in me and then she wasn't. Why do I feel this way? She was never ever in me. I also felt guilty for not having a strong bond with this baby we had named Isaac. I did not feel that I had bonded with him while I carried him in my womb for 9 months. Everyone thought it was great that we had named him Isaac which means 'laughter'. I didn't think it was funny. I couldn't talk to anyone. How ridiculous was I to grieve over someone that never existed?

Isaac will be 5 years old in June. He brings me so much laughter. Isaac's love language is touch. He is my snuggler and loves to be held and cuddled and kissed-on and tickeled. He is very strong-willed and knows what he wants. He is bright and catches on to things so quickly. He loves to build things and figure out how things work. He is sensitive and kind and cares for others. I would not trade him for the world. He is perfect in every way and perfect for me and perfect for our family and is going to grow up to be something great I know it.

But I still wonder about Sophie and I still miss her and honestly sometimes I even cry when I think about her. And yes I still think it's ridiculous that I mourn over someone that never really existed. But to me she did.

Multitude Monday

380. holding my babies

381. watching my kids play with their old siblings

382. spending the day with a new friend

383. rain

384. rock climbing

385. super fun night with really great friends that are moving to Africa. Shawn and Terri were our first friends in Woodland Park. Their friendship is priceless. We are so sad to see them go but happy for this new chapter in their life.

386. free hair cuts

387. ebay

388. our church. Great service Todd. I cried 4 times. The biggest gift in my life besides my family is my church.

Check back next week for another installment of Multitude Monday. God IS Good...And gratitude precedes the miracle...

Flashback Friday

Ellie and Kezi, June 2008

Multitude Monday

366. SUMMER is finally here

367. hummingbirds

368. butterflies

369. watching fish jump with my best friend husband


370. a warm shower in the woods after a good days hike

371. being completely pampered by my husband - warm shower in the woods, warm meal in the woods, doing the dishes in the woods, making up my bed - in the woods

372. killer babysitter that spoils my kids rotten while I'm gone

373. fancy cheese and crackers in the tent with my best friend husband

374. relaxing in Breckenridge with my best friend husband

375. rhubarb crunch

376. my really great backyard

377. home alone for the first time in over a year

378. watching/listening to my little girl in her second piano recital
379. when my husband quickly says these words, "I don't see why not." That gift alone grew my love for him just a little more today. He is amazing.

I am so blessed. I see gifts everywhere.

Check back next week for another installment of Multitude Monday. God is soooo Good. Gratitude precedes the miracle. It's true. So true.

Multitude Monday

350. new friends

351. old friends

352. first camping trip

 

353. summer

354. time with my Mama

355. time with my Daddy

356. playdate with a friend for Isaac

357. did I say good friends? I am so unbelievably blessed by friends

358. opportunities to witness the power of prayer

359. blessing upon blessing that comes from an amazing support system

360. real - church - how I believe God intended it to be...

361. 5 days in the most beautiful place in Colorado

362. free foster care day at the North Pole = fun family time

 

363. walking hand-in-hand with my hubby through the park in Gunnison. It brought back memories of 13 years ago when we were dating and had a picnic there.

364. getting to see my friend's art at a gallery downton Colorado Springs

365. dinner at Pantry Gardens with my Mama and Daddy and family

 

Check back next week for another installment of Multitude Monday. God IS Good...And gratitude precedes the miracle...

 

Flashback Friday



Noah Summer 2006

This is my 10 year old nephew Noah. This kid has been through a lot. The summer of 2006 he spent the summer in a wheel chair after a climbing incident. He has been hospitilized for numerous other things in his short little life. A few weeks ago he had a large tumor removed from his nasal cavity. God has moved mountains for him already and so many lives have been changed through what God is doing in this kid's life. And I think that God has great things planned for Noah. Great things. I can't wait to see what they are.