The Ultimate Polar Emotional Experience

     Last Friday we told our 7 and 6 year olds that they are for sure going to be adopted. That we will be their family forever. That we get to be their real mom and real dad. They know what that means. They immediately knew what that meant. 

     I've been thinking since then about polar emotions. When in our lives do we simultaneously experience complete opposite emotions? The biggest one for Christians I think is when someone we know and love dearly slips away from us and into the arms of Jesus. So completely helpless and alone we feel but at the same time know they are looking at the face of God and are completely elated for them. I believe that is the ultimate polar emotional experience. But when else in our lives do we feel major polar emotions? I would love to hear from you in the comments about simultaneous polar emotions that you have felt.
     Adoption is such a gift from God. A forever family. Safety. Stability. Consistency. Comfort. Love.
Most people never get to have the ultimate polar emotional experience that my 6 and 7 year old felt that Friday. Even adopted kids that are adopted before they are say 3 or so don't experience that because they are just not old enough to know what is going on. Big kids that are adopted usually don't have parents and haven't for a long time, although adoption is a tough thing for them too. I wouldn't guess many get to experience the overwhelming release of anxiety from not knowing what is going to happen to them, the excitement of knowing they get to be part of this family they have grown to truly love, and the anguish of loss and grief that floods through them at that same moment when they realize that they will not get to see their "real mom" again. Wow. When you are 6 and 7. You get it. You get all of it. You understand and yet you really don't. Why? Why can't we live with her? Why can't she take care of us? Why can't she get better? When will we see her again?

     And then....the glow of their faces when for the next week they tell EVERYONE they come in contact with, "I AM GETTING ADOCKTED!!!" One little Daisy Girl Scout asked, "What is adopted?" And her response was, "It's means I get to stay with the family I'm with forever and ever!!" There were tears and so much confusion that first night but since it's been all excitement. But we do not kid ourselves. We know that we have 4 kids that will always struggle with loss, grief, abandonment, and self-worth issues. I think when you are 6 and 7 adoption is such a gift and a curse all at the same time. So we love. We have grace for tough behaviors. We are patient. We are grateful for the opportunity.
     "Oh Father God give them peace and take away their grief. Help me to be patient and understanding and give me the ability to give them all the loves, all the time. Amen."

To blog or not to blog. That is the question.

So...Over a month ago I took a leap and boldly claimed that I was going to start blogging again. I have thought about what I wanted to write about every single day since. I do have a lot to say but have had mixed emotions about what of my life should be private and what should be public. How important is it to have my family's story out there for the world in order to advocate for kids that deserve families versus telling my kid's story for the world to read. Is it mine to tell?
I wish every family would adopt one kid. I wish everyone could let down their barriers and drop their excuses and bring one kid into their world. I wish for that so desperately that I have to speak out. I have to advocate for the sweet babies that have spent far too many days in foster homes, shelters, on the street, in group homes, residential facilities, and orphanages. They all deserve to be in a family. Yep, Every. Single. One. And because I desire so badly for each one to be adopted I must speak. I must write. I must advocate. I must fight. Part of that involves just telling my (our) story. It's a good story. So far, it's a good story. It's hard sometimes but it's good. Not once, nope not one time, has God asked me to do something and said, "I want you to do this, and I'll make sure it's simple and easy and won't break your heart." Not once. BUT, He has said to me that He wants me to go. He wants me to go out into the world and do some stuff to save his children. His babies. And that He will equip me to do His work.

Just a few short hours after we said, "Yes Lord".

So...follow me into my world where we do His work for His kids. We don't do it perfectly, we don't even do it well sometimes. We screw up. We are not perfect....but we go...because our God calls us to. Follow us into our world....
(to be continued)

I'm Back

It has been almost three years since I've posted on this blog. I miss it. I think of it often. I have a lot to say. I have thoughts that the world needs to hear. So, I'm back. I've tweaked the background and a few things. Still can't get that title where I want it but thought I'd go ahead and post something today. I'll share thoughts and pictures and things that make me think and things I think you should think. I'll try and post regularly. People are interested in our life. Why we live counter-cultural and what it looks like. What motivates us to do so and how it works. I have recently heard God calling me to not only "look after orphans" but to advocate for them and to be a voice for them. This is my medium. I look forward to sharing me here.

Question for you today:
What if God actually has things He wants us to do today?

Flashback Friday

Sweet Little Angel
Ellie ~ 2006

What If Mary Had Said No?

In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”
 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”
 The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.”
“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

A friend of mine posed the question, "How many other Mary's did the Angel ask?"

So I started thinking about this. God knew that Mary, the mother of Jesus, would say yes but he also gave us free will. Do you think the angel asked other young ladies to be the mother of the savior of the world and they said, "no"?

Don't you think they would have been obedient to God's calling? But would I have? I mean in the last few years I have become very cognisant of when God is asking me to do something and when I am willfully disobedient or when I just refuse to listen. And the stuff He is asking me is pretty minimal compared to mothering his one and only Son.

Do you think they would have been able to stop believing the lies they believe? The lies that she isn't good enough for her friends or to be a good mom or to be a good wife?....let alone believe that she is good enough to be the mother of God's son?

These questions have been speaking to me this week. I say no to God at times when I am afraid. And really what he is asking me is small, so small...pick up the phone, talk to that person, write that e-mail. What if Mary had said, "no" because she was afraid or not willing to take the risk or just didn't really feel up to it or didn't want to change the course of her life quite that drastically or didn't feel like she was good enough?

Flashback Friday



"Word On The Street"
Evening In December
2006

Flashback Friday

Hard to believe it was 8 years ago today that my little Ellie Girl came into this world.
She is more precious now than ever.
Love that girl.
10/23/03